um, whoops.

 I was telling my students the story of Anastasia today.
the true story--not fox's rendition (although, I do love that movie.)
As I was explaining the execution, I told them how the daughters and mom had jewels and diamonds sewn into their clothes (because they thought they were being transferred to a new country).
so when the executioners started bayonetting them to death, it took very long for the girls to actually die, due to the protection given from the jewels and diamonds.

as I was explaining it, I said: "now, remember, the executioners didn't know that the girls' clothes were stuffed with big chests and jewels and so...wait. diamonds and jewels. not chests. jewels and diamonds were covering their chests, they were not stuffed with big chests. oh gosh."
the boys just could not stop snickering.
and please, high five me.
I managed to just keep going without breaking out into a case of the uncontrollable-inappropriate-giggles.
you know the kind?
i was so proud of myself.
not for making all of the boys think of big chests.
but for not laughing at big chests being the saving grace from being bayonetted to death.

I have the worst problem with mixing up my words--taylor is really surprised I haven't been fired yet.
ha...like one time, I told a student I would give him a hand-job! in front of the whole class! I mixed up my words and did NOT mean to say that.
maybe I need to tell the whole story for that one?
but, eh. 
you just need to know, it happened.
and then I had to go tell the principal what I said just to save my back.
and...that was the most awkward conversation ever.
principal: "you told a student what?"

but the worst part, is that every time it happens, I break out in uncontrollable giggles.
because I know, I know, I should just not laugh and keep going.
but I just can't help it.
it's a curse, I tell you.
I laugh at the most inappropriate times:
like during prayers.
like during oaths. (oaths are so odd--aren't they?)
like when my visiting teacher my freshman year told me she was dying.
she just came out and said, "I probably won't be your visiting teacher much longer because I'm dying.  And the message for this month is..."
what kind of a sentence is that!
and so...I laughed.
for the next five minutes.
she cried. and left.

but I didn't laugh today when i said that the girls shirts were stuffed with big chests!
fist pump me, people!


  1. Hahahahah. You are funny. Sometimes that just happens where we get all mixed up. I think the handjob was is SOOOOOO funny.

    1. oh my goodness--it was the absolute worst!

  2. hahaha oh gosh. This is hilarious! I think you should have a tab for nothing but these stories! This just made my day.


    1. i could probably fill a whole blog with them! haha

  3. Hello guys, thank you for the sweet comment on my blog, I really appreciate it!

    I'm your newest follower on bloglovin' and look forward to your next hilarious post!



  4. Oh, I love that you shared some of the things you said to your students. I also love that I'm not the only one who has said inappropriate things without meaning to. ...sometimes the words just come out and then well, they're out. oh dear. hopefully you don't have any word mix ups again any time soon :)

  5. First of all, I stumbled on your blog and I love reading it cuz you have the best writing voice. It's cracking me up.
    OH MY GOSH! The thing about your visiting teacher saying she is dying! Forgive me, cosmos, but that's funny. I agree with you, what a...weird sentence. To mention death so nonchalantly.
    I hate to be that person, but check out my blog too!