an update on taylor

On Wednesday, I was doing my normal thing in US History...teaching my last lecture of the school year, when my classroom door opened, and the administrative secretary and copy lady were telling me to come outside for a minute.
I immediately thought it was a little odd that these two would need me in the middle of class, and as I walked to the door, I was racking my brain of which swear words I had used in class that day. hahah
was I really going to get in trouble in my last few days of teaching?
I walked outside the door, smiling, and said, "Hi!"
then, I turned, and saw taylor's mom standing there--clearly she had been crying.
I can't explain my feelings from this point on.
Almost immediately, I knew why she was there.
and yet, at the same time, my mind just wouldn't accept anything.
it's this moment right here that my mind keeps going back to...making me shudder every time.
she said, "Kelli, you need to leave right now. Taylor had a stroke and is in the ER with Dad."
I think I immediately went into shock.
It was a complete out-of-body experience, and my mind could just NOT accept what she was saying to me.

the sweet office ladies went into my classroom and grabbed my things.
I remember turning back towards my classroom and seeing some of my students watching me from the window.
 I so badly wanted to just walk right back into class and finish my lecture...because this wasn't real, right? this wasn't really happening.
I remember that moment so clearly...seeing those students in the front row, and wishing with everything I had that I could push past all of this and continue that US History lesson with them.

But the next thing I knew, I was walking down the school hallway...still very much in shock.
We got into the car, and drove to the hospital.
We didn't say much...we didn't really know anything.
I think I asked a few questions, but I wasn't really comprehending anything.
Sooo many thoughts ran through my mind.
Maybe they were dramatic, but I guess that's just where the human mind goes.
Would he be paralyzed?
Brain damage?
Would he meet his baby girl?
What did I last say to him?
I was so grateful that on that morning, I randomly waited 10 extra minutes to leave to work so that I could see him when he came home from playing basketball in the morning (I'm always gone before he leaves).
I thought about the small, simple "have a good day" kiss we shared as we passed in the garage.
I thought about the fact that I had tried calling him about 30 minutes ago.
He didn't answer.
I didn't think anything of it.
But now I knew exactly why.

I sent a text to my family asking them to pray for Taylor.
We parked our car, practically ran into the ER, and were sent into a small ER room.
I turned the corner, immediately expecting to see Taylor on the bed, but the room was empty.
I think this is when my mind caught up to everything that was happening.
Where was he?
I needed to see him!

They told us he was still getting tests done, and to sit down and wait.
And as soon as I sat down, and felt our sweet baby girl move, the first tears started to flow.
How was I here?
How was this real?

We waited for what seemed like forever.
I didn't know what to do with myself.
Mom Gilbert and I tried to talk a little, but mostly we sat there in silence, ignoring the tears streaming down the other's face.

Earlier that week, when opening my LDS tools app, there was a random hymn I had never heard before open on the app.
I read it, and loved it, and read it to Taylor while we were lying in bed.
I didn't think anything more of it until I was sitting in that ER room.
I felt prompted to go back to that random hymn and read the lyrics again.

"God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants his footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Ye fearful Saints, fresh courage take,
the clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
with blessings on your head.

His purposes will ripen fast,
unfolding every hour;
the bud may have a bitter taste,
but sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan his works in vain;
God is his own interpreter,
And he will make it plain."

It spoke so plainly to me.
I was still so scared, but I knew that God's hand was in all of this, no matter how it turned out.

FINALLY, Taylor was rolled into the room in a wheelchair.
He immediately smiled, did a little "taylor" wave, and said, "Helloooo!"
And the tears just flowed.
Here he was!
And he looked so good!
He climbed into the hospital bed, and the nurse started asking more questions.
His speech was clearly delayed, but his Dad said it was MUCH better than what it had been.
I was so grateful I missed most of the scary part.
I started rubbing his arm, until Taylor finally turned to me and said, "IV."
HAHA, I was rubbing right on his IV for the last few minutes.
whoops, sorry, tay.

Doctors came in and out...doing tests, asking questions.
With each minute that passed, Taylor's speech was getting better and better.
They admitted us to the Progressive Care Unit (along with the other 80 year olds who were having strokes that day) for more tests and, at the least, an overnight stay.
When Taylor's speech was back, he told us what had happened:
He was texting someone at work, and suddenly he was hitting all of the wrong keys.
Then, he noticed his perception was off.
He would reach out to grab something off of his desk, and the desk would come sooner than he thought.
He went across the hall to his Dad's office (SUCH a blessing that his dad was right there!), and said he wasn't feeling well.
His dad thought maybe he was having a migraine, and told him he would take him home.
On the way home, his dad noticed his speech getting worse and worse.
He took a u-turn and started for the ER instead.

When they got to the ER, there were about 20 people in the waiting room.
You know it's not good, when you skip ALL of those people, and get rushed right into the ER.
They immediately started tests to figure out what was wrong.

Within a couple of hours of being with Taylor, he was completely back to his normal self.
I had a Shop Stevie pop-up shop scheduled that night, and was fully intending to cancel it (duh), but when Taylor heard that he said, "I probably had a stroke BECAUSE of that pop up! No way are you canceling!! Go and do it for me!"
Taylor and his dad's company are the ones organizing all of the Shop Stevie pop-ups, and mine was the very first one.
Taylor was so adamant that I go and make it a success for him.
Luckily, I have the sweetest friend who literally dropped everything and came and helped me wrap my mind around everything and get ready to host the party.
And thank goodness it was a total success!
As soon as it was over, I raced back to the hospital to be with my TayRay.
He was still doing great.
All of the tests were coming back normal, which the doctors said was great!
When each nurse took his vitals, they would always say, "Wow, you are so healthy! How did you have a stroke!?"
I think they also secretly loved Taylor because he was the only young patient on the stroke floor hahah

We had a long night's stay in the hospital.
I didn't sleep much (probably a little due to the fact that those reclining chairs aren't the comfiest...especially at 36 weeks pregnant HA), but mostly because I found myself just staring at Taylor.
I was SO grateful that I was sitting there right next to him.
That he was healthy and well.
He was curled up in the cutest fetal position--the only way he could get comfortable while being hooked up to A MILLION machines.
But man...I just couldn't help but feel soooo grateful.

 the doctors performed a few more tests the next day and determined that he most likely had a TIA or mini-stroke (TIAs have no permanent damage).
But since there was no obvious reason for the stroke, they determined it could have been caused by a random blood clot, a constriction of blood vessels in the brain, or just a weird fluke.

We were discharged with the instructions for him to take baby aspirin for life (supposedly it's good for your heart?), and for him to come in immediately if the symptoms ever came back.
I still remember when he was finally allowed to stand up, and I was able to give him a full hug.
I don't know if I've ever had a hug that meant more to me.
Even though baby girl got in the way a little, we were together.
All three of us ;)
and I was able to hug my taylor!

Once we were finally released, the "stroke jokes" began. ha
like the following:
On the way home, we stopped at chick-fil-a.
I hit a bump pretty hard going into the parking lot, and taylor said, "woah, careful. Don't you know I just had a stroke yesterday?"

or this:

I am so grateful that those few frightening hours turned out okay, and we are laughing and joking about it now!
It really makes you realize how fragile life really is.
I hope I never have to experience those few hours again in my life.
But I am comforted by the knowledge that we were so blessed, and God did not leave me alone in a true moment of need.
I cannot express enough gratitude for the MANY MANY calls, texts, social media messages, front porch deliveries, etc., that started pouring in immediately.
We felt so loved.
People are so good.
God is good.
and my TaylorRay is GOOD and healthy!

Last night, I just kept wanting to touch him and stare at him and hug him and tell him how much I loved him.
It really is amazing how an experience like this can make you appreciate the little things SO much.

We are so grateful.
so grateful.
(and also really grateful that I didn't go into labor with all of that stress!)
And boy, do I love my sweet Taylor.

p.s. tay? never again.