my pregnancy woe

my whole pregnancy, there is only ONE thing I have feared:
developing the rare but incredibly dreaded PUPPP rash.
(go look it up...it will scare you HA)
the only cure? delivery.

my sister, marci, developed it when she was pregnant with her first.
I remember distinctly how miserable she was--I've maybe never seen anyone that miserable in my entire life.
But the rash is incredibly rare, and neither my oldest sister nor my mom developed the rash.
Plus, it's more common if you're expecting a boy.
So I thought I was in the clear...

Almost two weeks ago Tuesday, I noticed the first signs of it.
My mom was in town visiting, and I yelled for her to come into my bathroom and look at it.
She reassured me that it may not be PUPPP, and not to get freaked out yet.
But the itch started...and slowly, my rash started to spread.
Luckily, it spread very slowly and very mildly for the first few days.
Mine was mostly presenting itself in a hive-like bump form.
It started on my stomach, and then spread down my legs and my arms.
The first few days weren't too bad--annoying, but not miserable.

But last week was BAD.
I tried so hard not to complain when anyone asked me about it.
But the only thing I could do all week was lie in bed, mostly unclothed, with a fan directly on me 24/7.
Marci literally started crying for me when she found out I had it...it's that bad.
You wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy.
Marci gave me some tricks to help temporarily relieve the incredible itch--the itch that has your skin bloody and your mind insane.
I've been using a special soap, Grandpa's Pine Tar Soap, that leaves me smelling like I just went camping when I get out of the shower. HA
And LOTS of Benadryl.
Marci was so fearful of developing the rash her second pregnancy, that she did lots of research beforehand on anything else that might help it.
She read that midwives had suggested dandelion root pills, and she was ready to try it if it came back around for her on round 2.
Luckily, she was spared.

But she told me to try the pills.
I really am crediting part of my recent recovery on those pills.

Last Wednesday-Friday may have been just about three of the most miserable days I've experienced.
Lying in bed ALL day ALL week literally made me go insane.
But there was really no other option for comfort's sake.
I was lonely, frustrated, and miserable.
I cried myself to sleep multiple nights, pleading with Heavenly Father to release me from the intolerable pain and itch.
Taylor was so sweet and did whatever he could do to help me while he was home.

Friday was my lowest low.
I cried and cried and felt myself slipping into a dark depression.
Something I've really never experienced before.
The thing that kept me from falling was knowing that my two sisters were on their way in from CA and would be there that night.
And then when I needed it most, I received a text from someone I love and admire.
Someone who had no idea what I was going through.
She told me she was thinking of me, that she had put my name on the prayer roll, and that she felt that I needed extra angels surrounding me.
Cue immediate sobbing.
But this time, the sobbing was filled with a different type of tear.
It was filled with a peace of knowing that Heavenly Father heard me and knew me and someone else was listening to divine intuition for my sake.

Friday evening I received a priesthood blessing from Taylor and my brother.
And Saturday, something was different.
I was able to wear clothes almost all day! ...this was BIG! ha
The itch was there, but I wasn't miserable.
Today was even more relief.
The hives are slowly fading.
My mind is back!
I'm not going insane!
I'm scared to completely believe that it's going away without returning, but the hives are only present in a few spots now...the rest has faded, and my skin is my skin again.

For having an extremely easy pregnancy for 37.5 weeks, it's hard to complain too much, but anyone who has had PUPPP or has known someone with it, knows that there is nothing to compare it to.
Utter misery.

At 39 weeks and 3 days, I am hoping I am spared for the last bit of my pregnancy.
I am praying that I'm the last woman to ever ever ever get this rash (HA).
And we are really praying that baby girl is ready to come on out.
My doctor had me believing I would have her last week, but now I'm losing hope.
Whooo knows when she'll make her little debut.

For now, I am counting my every day blessings.
So much to be grateful for.
One more big step to go before our lives are changed forever.


nursery reveal!

we had so so so much fun designing our nursery!!
Taylor was actually very much involved in the process, and had so many of his own visions of how he wanted his little baby girl's nursery to look like, so it was really fun picking out all of the pieces together! 

I've linked all purchases, and would highly recommend every shop!
 I am a HUGE believer in never paying for ANYTHING full price.
which means I picked all of my pieces way in advance and then waited for awesome deals.
Little baby gilby is also my little good luck charm.
In the last four months, I have won 25 insta giveaways (almost all baby related haha), totaling over $2,500 in winnings!! 
Sooo start entering those giveaways, people!

our vision for this nursery was wood and white, with pops of pink.
We wanted to be able to easily switch out the pops of pink for pops of blue, if our next baby is a boy!
So all of the big furniture and paint color is gender neutral--which is definitely something I would recommend!

on to the reveal!
^this dresser was actually taylor's dresser growing up! I love the history and heritage it adds to the room!

^hexagon shelves from Haase Handcraft.
I waited for a coupon code for these--and this shop was sooo great at matching the stain I envisioned for the shelves.

ALL 20-something of the bracelets were insta-wins from june and penny!

my sister, marci, made 90% of those bows. the other 10% were instagram wins!

 ^my favorite piece of the whole nursery might be this unicorn rocker.
I've had my eye on it for yearsssss.
It was a little pricey, but sweet taylor surprised me with it for my birthday because he knew how much I wanted it!
can find it here: unicorn rocker

 ^I searched FOREVER for a glider. I couldn't find ANYTHING I liked for the longest time.
Finally, Taylor suggested we try babies-r-us (I was sure they wouldn't have anything I liked there, and within 2 minutes of being in the store, we found and fell in love with this beauty. It is THE MOST comfortable chair EVER, and is a glider/rocker/recliner!
We custom-ordered the color (white/sand colored gliders are almost impossible to find!!).
Also, we got it about 35% off, just by asking if they would honor an online-only coupon.
If you are going to splurge on one thing in your nursery, it's got to be the chair.
When my family was here this last week, we were constantly fighting over who got to sit in it.

^crib from walmart!! would you ever guess that they have THE cutest cribs!?
taylor's parents gifted us this, and I checked the price almost every day and had his mom grab it when I caught it on sale!
we went with the walnut legs, and I loooove it!

my siblings got this for me for my birthday...and again, ALWAYS ask (especially smaller shops) if they are offering any deals.
My sister asked if she was willing to discount it, and she gave her 15% off, just because!

cutest cutest quilt made by my sister, marci!
pillow from target.
book basket from target.

I won this $270 rug on an insta-giveaway (this baby is so lucky!).
it's a washable rug from lorena canals.
the side-table is from tj maxx!
this darling print is from homespun signs!
all of her prints come beautifully framed!
yet again, another instagram win. ;)
this is taylor's favorite piece in the room.
He said it reminds him of me, and how he hopes our little girl will be, too.

okay the chandelier!
I saw this EXACT one at z gallerie for about 5x the price.
but then found the same one at pier 1!
so, we had been told to have a little nightlight for the nursery for when you need to go in at night and check on baby/do whatever, so taylor decided to take that to the next level. HA
he bought a wi-fi lightbulb for this chandelier, so we can turn the light on really low from our phones if we have to go in/and I can control the lamp from my phone while nursing.
it's pretty dang cool.

blanket basket from target.

^this picture was drawn by my super talented cousin. Do you see our special gender-reveal-bunny in the picture?!

^and of course, here's penny! the gender-reveal-bunny!

^"I love you" prints were made by my sister, printed at staples, and framed with ikea frames.
both of those prints (frames and all) were only $30 total!

^my favorite print of the provo city center temple!
stool is from hobby lobby.

 ^taylor almost burned down our house trying to install the ceiling light. HA
for real though.
it exploded the first time we turned it on. hahah
we got this light at home depot, and it matches our chandelier PERFECTLY.

just a fun shot of half of her closet.
she has more clothes than both of us combined. haha!

okay, a little story here about this coin sitting on top of the window.
taylor put it up there on purpose just to bug me.
I kept taking it down, and somehow the next day, it was back up there.
this went on for WEEEEEKS.
Finally, I was getting too big to actually care about standing on a stool to get it down.
then, with my family here a few days ago, I asked my little brother to get it down for me, and it would be gone once and for all.
Taylor swooped in, grabbed the coin, and ran out of the room.
the next thing we know, he comes back into the room, sticks it back up, and says, "good luck getting it down."
not even kidding.
my family thought it was hilarious, but I was a little bugged that he created such an eye-sore in our perfect nursery. HAHA
he says baby girl will forever have good luck and we will forever have a good story.
oh, dear, sweet taylor.
what you do to me.
this is such a taylor-story though, I can't even handle it. hahah

and that's a wrap of our nursery reveal!

we are sooo ready for you baby girl!


38 weeks.

I clearly haven't been the best at updating our blog this year.
I half blame it on teaching AP Government--that really took over so much of my life.
BUT, my AP kids ROCKED their AP test--they all felt so great after it, so I can't wait to see their results!

But now, here I am...in such a different phase of everything.
I have so many different emotions constantly running through me lately, that I sometimes don't know how to wrap my mind around everything.

First, my teaching career has officially come to a close.
I really don't think it's quite hit me yet.
I think once fall starts, and everyone is going back to school (and I'm not), it will really start to sink in.
But the last few days were definitely emotional.
I kept pushing emotions back and focusing on my "to-do" list as senior class advisor (graduation, end of year activities, etc.), so that I wouldn't have to really think about it.
But last Thursday, I stood at the front of my empty classroom.
I looked at the empty desks, bare walls, and boxes waiting to be packed into my car.
And I just stood there.
And stood there.
And thought about all of the students that had sat in those desks.
I thought of the laughs we shared.
The things we learned together.
The faces and emotions I saw standing in front of that classroom every day.
And the tears that I had willed away the last few days started to trickle down.

I felt semi-silly just standing in the front of that empty classroom, with tears rolling down my face, but at the same time, I couldn't bring myself to walk out the door that day.
I am so incredibly grateful that I've had the last five years in the classroom.
SO grateful.
No words will ever adequately describe how I felt about my students, my career, and the way it impacted my every day life.

Second, we are at the ANY DAY mark with baby girl.
^I was gifted this cute dress by pinkblush maternity.  It definitely makes the belly look a lot bigger than it actually is haha^

I have LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED being pregnant.
Seriously adored every second.
I have also been incredibly lucky...not too much over here symptom-wise.
For the last few weeks, so many people have said, "Are you just so ready to be done and get that baby out?"
And I never really know how to answer, because OF COURSE we are so excited to meet her, but I am pretty dang happy with her in my tummy.
And as much as I really am ready for her big entrance, I am perfectly happy carrying her for another two weeks!
BUT how freaking crazy is it to think that I will be a MOM in no more than THREE WEEKS!? (my doctor won't let me go a week over due-date)
Really, really cannot grasp that thought.

Sometimes I try to just sit and think about her and what life will be like with her, but my mind literally cannot grasp the fact that she will be here so soon.
This phase is so weird.

Taylor is getting beyond excited, which is probably the most darling thing ever.
And I can officially say that we are READY for baby to come.
The nursery is 99.99% complete (waiting for one more thing in the mail, and then I'll post pictures!)
I find Taylor sitting in the nursery during his lunch, and it melts my little heart.
All of her clothes are washed and put away.
Our hospital bags are packed.
My long-list of to-do items for the house is complete.
The bassinet is set up by our bed.
We are READY.

Except at the same time, I find myself constantly asking, "Am I really ready?"
And the answer is NO.
The thought of being a mom terrifies me...I feel so inadequate.
But the love I feel for our little baby is the one constant reassurance.
Oh, she will be so very, very loved.

so the big question...will I blog again before baby comes?
Or will I be a MOM the next time I'm blogging?
^more accurate representation of baby bump at 38 weeks today haha^

and for those that have asked...running officially stopped at 36.5 weeks.
She is way way too low for me to even attempt it anymore.
Now, I do my best to take long walks...but the lightening pain is REAL if I walk for too long.
I am already getting excited for when I'm cleared to run after delivery...and to have the cutest running buddy ever to accompany me!

AHHH life is so crazy!
But I sure am in love with this little life of ours!