a couple of days ago, I came home with a car full of groceries and called taylor to ask if he could help me bring them into the house.
he answered with a very unenthusiastic, "yeah, sure."
when he came out, I said (a little annoyed), "Why can't you be happier to help me?"
he responded, "I am happy to help you. I was just in the middle of doing other stuff."
I don't really know what I was expecting exactly...a dramatic, "YESS!" and then a skipping taylor out the door?
but I blame my annoyance on the fact that I had just done my least favorite chore ever (grocery shopping), and all of the ingredients I was looking for were somehow gone (did everyone have the exact same dinner menu as me or something?)
anyways, I was just annoyed all around as we brought the groceries in.
and then my annoyance turned into frustration--which didn't do well for the bread and eggs that got carelessly thrown on the counter (whoops)
true to taylor's character, he was patient and kind, even when I was being unreasonable.
(but it really didn't feel unreasonable at the time. haha--looking back though, it's so silly)
I huffed and puffed and replayed my frustrations over and over again in my head, as I very forcefully (and probably dramatically) put away the groceries.
then I sat down at the barstool, put my head in my hands, and tried to convince myself that it was still worth it to be upset (you know what I'm talking about right? ha pride issues)
that's when I looked up and saw these for the first time:
a beautiful bouquet of pink roses.
sitting right there on the counter the whole time.
a symbol of love and thoughtfulness in the direct center of my angrily-strewn grocery bags, that I had completely overlooked the entire time.
and BAM...cue tears.
I felt so guilty. and HUMBLED.
here I was thinking of all of the reasons I was frustrated with the very boy who had ran out to buy me flowers while I grocery shopped.
The thought of taylor knowing that those flowers were sitting there the whole time, and I was too angry to even notice his act of kindness--pretty much ripped me in two.
but don't worry, that's not where the guilt stops.
on the counter were some items I had mentioned earlier that I needed.
instead of going out to do the errands he had planned for the day, he went and got those little items for me.
I slowly, and shamefully, walked into the bedroom--and found taylor...folding laundry.
and that's when I lost it.
I cried and apologized for being so selfish and asked him how he learned to be the best husband ever?
just minutes earlier, I was upset that he wasn't happy to SERVE ME!
How ironic, right?
How ironic, right?
he ran my errands, bought me flowers, and was folding the laundry, just for me!
and not once during my rant, did he throw that in my face.
(something I think I would have done right away ha)
he just listened and apologized.
and my heart hurts just thinking about how I was so oblivious.
I tell this story for two reasons:
#1. I've had a few young girls recently tell me, "you're marriage is so perfect! I want to have a marriage just like yours!" but when they say that I want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and say, "yes, my love is wonderful, and I feel extremely fortunate to find someone so wonderful, and I love my love, but my marriage is NOT perfect! I am dumb and I say stupid things, and sometimes we are both too prideful to admit that the other is right, and we fight over dumb things. there is no such thing as a perfect marriage!" I'm just so afraid that social media sometimes creates this false sense of "perfection," but who wants to air their dirty laundry around, right? of course, I blog about the special times. of course, I blog about our love. THOSE are the things I want to remember!
so there's that rant.
marriage is about tries, not perfection.
aaand #2. I was super humbled that night. And I wondered how many times in my life I have been too frustrated to see blessings around me. Or how many times I missed out on a smile, or a kind word, or an opportunity to be that person for someone else, JUST because I was caught up in anger.
those roses were RIGHT there. the entire time I was putting away groceries.
I piled grocery bags allll around that vase.
and I didn't notice them ONCE.
I don't want to be blinded by frustration.
I don't want to miss out on the good, just because I'm focusing on the bad.
and THAT, that is my new years resolution.