a teacher rant

I've got a few pet peeves as a teacher.  And five of them are these precious little questions that I get asked about 28372847 times a day. 

At the end of the term, these questions seem to come in at record speed.

and I'm about ready to pound my head into my desk.

really.

so I'm finally venting.

and I think I'm going to make a poster next year with these five questions on it--complete with the sarcastic answer that I can't help but give.

and anytime someone asks me one of these little questions, I will point at the poster and walk away.

because. oh. my. gosh.

I really might strangle a student if I get any more of these today. 

because! come on, you sixteen year olds!

don't you see that this annoys me?

I literally hurt on the inside just typing these questions up--I feel like I am reliving the annoyance all over again.

Student: Are we doing anything fun today?

Me: No. I actually planned the whole lesson today with the thought, "How can I make this lesson absolutely boring?" I'm so excited to teach today!

Student: I was sick last class--did I miss anything?

Me: Actually, we sat around and cried the entire time you were gone! We missed you SO much that we didn't do a single thing!

Student: What's my grade right now?

Me: Oh, I'm so glad you asked! I spend my evenings memorizing all 240 grades after each new assignment is put into the computer!

Student: Are we taking notes today?

Me: No! In fact, I am going to teach you a whole bunch of history and you ARE NOT ALLOWED to take a single note! The test will be in two weeks! Aren't you guys so lucky? No notes! Good luck on the test!

Student: What will my grade be after I turn in this missing assignment?

Me: Let me sit here and calculate in my head exactly how this 20 point assignment will affect your grade, since the assignment category is 25% of your grade.  Okay, got it. Your grade will either stay the same, go down, or go up.

any other people out there in teacher-land feel my pain on these?

and look at this!

these are all of my UNCOLLECTED no-names from the term!

I had to throw them all away!

hey little kidlets--don't you care that you did work and got zero credit for it!?

it hurt my heart to throw it all away.

and WHAT, WHAT is in the spring air?

like, seriously--are there extra hormones floating around?

I really think a real scientific experiment needs to be done on this.

and I will fund it with my extra large teacher salary.

because as soon as spring hits--BAM.

everyone is antsy, and chatty, and flirty, and touchy, and "oh. my. goodness, she said what!?"

 and I just give them my best pitty look and think, "man, I'm so glad I'm not in high school anymore."

and yesterday, we were talking about pearl harbor, and I was comparing part of it to 9/11.

then a student asks, "How old were you when 9/11 happened?"

I almost answered, until I stopped and said, "Oh you tricky little devils."

you see, I have this weird, weird thing, where I don't like them to know how old I am.

and they are always trying to guess and find sneaky ways to trick me into telling them.

because I think they might fall over when they learn I'm not even that much older than them, and I have this weird fear that they will lose respect for me.

I guess it's not as bad now, but when I first started teaching, I was only 2 years older than my senior classes!

that definitely stayed on the DL.

but as much as they annoy me, I love them.

and I love how gullible and easily fooled they are.

like one time, I texted the whole class at the same time in the middle of their test

(I use remind101.com, where they can sign up and I can send HW reminders to them and such)

all of their phones buzzed at once--and they all looked around SO confused.

and the few that actually looked at their phone, saw that I had given them the answer to #17.

because gosh guys, I can be nice sometimes, too.

ha!

well if you read this whole rant, high five!

today is finally wednesday!

and my legs are sore from an insane hilllyyyy run yesterday.

and despite this all, I love my job.

happy wednesday!