3.26.2014

a teacher rant

I've got a few pet peeves as a teacher.  And five of them are these precious little questions that I get asked about 28372847 times a day. 
At the end of the term, these questions seem to come in at record speed.
and I'm about ready to pound my head into my desk.
really.
so I'm finally venting.
and I think I'm going to make a poster next year with these five questions on it--complete with the sarcastic answer that I can't help but give.
and anytime someone asks me one of these little questions, I will point at the poster and walk away.
because. oh. my. gosh.
I really might strangle a student if I get any more of these today. 
because! come on, you sixteen year olds!
don't you see that this annoys me?

I literally hurt on the inside just typing these questions up--I feel like I am reliving the annoyance all over again.

Student: Are we doing anything fun today?
Me: No. I actually planned the whole lesson today with the thought, "How can I make this lesson absolutely boring?" I'm so excited to teach today!

Student: I was sick last class--did I miss anything?
Me: Actually, we sat around and cried the entire time you were gone! We missed you SO much that we didn't do a single thing!

Student: What's my grade right now?
Me: Oh, I'm so glad you asked! I spend my evenings memorizing all 240 grades after each new assignment is put into the computer!

Student: Are we taking notes today?
Me: No! In fact, I am going to teach you a whole bunch of history and you ARE NOT ALLOWED to take a single note! The test will be in two weeks! Aren't you guys so lucky? No notes! Good luck on the test!

Student: What will my grade be after I turn in this missing assignment?
Me: Let me sit here and calculate in my head exactly how this 20 point assignment will affect your grade, since the assignment category is 25% of your grade.  Okay, got it. Your grade will either stay the same, go down, or go up.

any other people out there in teacher-land feel my pain on these?

and look at this!
these are all of my UNCOLLECTED no-names from the term!
I had to throw them all away!
hey little kidlets--don't you care that you did work and got zero credit for it!?
it hurt my heart to throw it all away.

and WHAT, WHAT is in the spring air?
like, seriously--are there extra hormones floating around?
I really think a real scientific experiment needs to be done on this.
and I will fund it with my extra large teacher salary.
because as soon as spring hits--BAM.
everyone is antsy, and chatty, and flirty, and touchy, and "oh. my. goodness, she said what!?"
 and I just give them my best pitty look and think, "man, I'm so glad I'm not in high school anymore."

and yesterday, we were talking about pearl harbor, and I was comparing part of it to 9/11.
then a student asks, "How old were you when 9/11 happened?"
I almost answered, until I stopped and said, "Oh you tricky little devils."
you see, I have this weird, weird thing, where I don't like them to know how old I am.
and they are always trying to guess and find sneaky ways to trick me into telling them.
because I think they might fall over when they learn I'm not even that much older than them, and I have this weird fear that they will lose respect for me.
I guess it's not as bad now, but when I first started teaching, I was only 2 years older than my senior classes!
that definitely stayed on the DL.

but as much as they annoy me, I love them.
and I love how gullible and easily fooled they are.
like one time, I texted the whole class at the same time in the middle of their test
(I use remind101.com, where they can sign up and I can send HW reminders to them and such)
all of their phones buzzed at once--and they all looked around SO confused.
and the few that actually looked at their phone, saw that I had given them the answer to #17.
because gosh guys, I can be nice sometimes, too.
ha!

well if you read this whole rant, high five!
today is finally wednesday!
and my legs are sore from an insane hilllyyyy run yesterday.
and despite this all, I love my job.

happy wednesday!

37 comments:

  1. hahaha ahhh okay i FEEL you on every single one!! finishing year 2 of teach for america and these all made me laugh so hard. glad i'm not alone! XOXO

    welltraveledwife.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. teach for america!? that's incredible! so fun! how do you like it?

      Delete
  2. the fact that you texted them during the test makes me believe you are the coolest teacher who ever lives. I'm sure your students LOVE you! Good luck with the rest of the school year!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha, thanks alexa! let's hope the students feel the same ;)

      Delete
  3. This literally made me laugh out loud! I sooooooooooooo feel your pain. It's the last day of the quarter today... and I definitely needed this. Thanks Kelli!!!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ahhhh so glad you're with me on this one! last day of the term is the WORST! good luck!

      Delete
  4. Your blog is darling!! and you are even cuter! i just started my own.. and I'm super new to the blogging world! still figuring everything out! ha and i can't figure out how to follow you.. i know, so dumb. are you on blog lovin? anyways if you want to follow my blog its www.ammonandcourtney.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks, courtney! and thanks for letting me know that my button wasn't working. I fixed it, so you should be able to follow now! your blog is seriously the cutest! and I am in love with your hair! super jealous. and my bloglovin button is up with my social media buttons--it's the + sign. :)

      Delete
  5. So one, you're amazing. Two? You're amazing, aaand three....you're amazing. I love that you texted your class during a test.... #youwinatlife

    I'd probably choke a student out for asking me "did I miss anything?" ....no, we all just sat here in silence. We just couldn't go on without you... ;) I don't know how you do it girl. Good luck!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. dude. coolest teacher ever! Giving them an answer? So awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aww, you have so much patience to field those questions all day. Hehe, the spring does silly things to people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i like to think that it's patience--but it's probably more the fact that if I respond the way I want to, I'll lose my job! hahaha!

      Delete
  8. Your students sound so funny and sneaky! But cute. Gotta love them! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. they really are the best--even when they drive me nuts ;)

      Delete
  9. I'm not a teacher but I do work for a college and sometimes I wonder how they will survive in the real world in just a few short months. The questions we get asked are just as annoying!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. maybe we all just never grow up? i'm not sure--but man, it's annoying. glad you're with me on this one!

      Delete
  10. I love this! But I would add to your list:

    *Can we just do NOTHING today? Or other variations, like: can we just sleep today? etc." (NO!)
    *Is this going to be on the test? Are we going to turn this in? Will this be graded at all? (What a stupid question. You only have to do this if you want the points for it.)
    *What is the day today? (It's on the board, sweetheart!)
    *What's our homework? Do we have homework? (Do you EVER look at the board? You ALWAYS have homework!)
    *Have you graded that yet? (I have nothing else important to do in my life than to grade every piece of freaking late work you turn in, darling.)

    Sigh. I really do love the kiddos, but sometimes my heart just aches for them! Oh, and Spring Fever aka hormone junction is alive and well. Let's hope we survive!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh my gosh--yes, those definitely need to be included! especially the "can we do nothing?" or "can we watch a movie today?" AND "is this going to be on the test?" oh my gosh. I am squirming in my seat just thinking about those questions. looks like I'll need to add these to my poster. hahah! i'll be sure to send you a copy!

      Delete
    2. "Can I go to the bathroom without being marked tardy?" or "I'm going to go to the bathroom," and then walk out without really checking if it's okay with me. Sigh.

      Delete
  11. I just read this and died laughing. This is the only post I've read, and I'm hooked. You're incredible. Can't wait to read everything else! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha, thanks, morgan! i love your blog!

      Delete
  12. Hahaha these are spot on!!! I can't even tell you how often I hear these myself. My biggest one is, "what are we doing today" as soon as they walk in the door. I usually just give the, a sarcastic remark of "stuff" lol since I ALWAYS go over the schedule at the beginning of class. Thanks for sharing Remind101! I can't wait to try it out with my kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. seriously!! and remind101 is THE BEST! i love it!

      Delete
  13. I can't imagine what it's like to teach high school students...never a dull moment, I imagine!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that is so true! there really is never a dull moment!

      Delete
  14. oh this made me laugh!! haha!! You're the cutest.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm not a teacher, but this post had me cracking up!! You should introduce your answers to these questions the first day of class, lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. seriously! I think that will have to be a whole day--annoying questions NOT to ask!

      Delete
  16. I'm seriously dying. I've never silently laughed so hard. PS why do all the no name papers look dirty?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wellll thanks! i'm not sure why they are dirty? i think it was because i took the picture in the dark!

      Delete
  17. Also. I really hope you actually make that poster.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AKA i'll have YOU make the poster ;) haha

      Delete
  18. haha. i always thought kids who didn't put their names on papers were so dumb. but then i did it and felt like an idiot. that's one thing i like about college!
    xoxo
    e
    nine-fortytwo.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete