Married at 20.

I often get asked by my friends from home, "Why did you get married so young?"

I always just kind of smile, say something to make everyone laugh, and then the conversation shifts to something else.

The other day I thought about this frequent question, and I wondered why I rarely seem to respond with a real answer.

To my friends at BYU and the rest of the Mormon world, the concept of marrying young is nothing new.

Mormon boy meets Mormon girl. Boy and girl court, date, and fall in love. Usually within less than a year, the boy and girl are wed.

I feel like the concept of "courting, dating, and falling in love" is viewed as "old fashioned" and "outdated" to the rest of the world. 

People seem to wonder, "What about the important step of "moving in together" before marriage?  What about the year-to-two-year long engagement?"
I often hear the metaphor related to moving in together: "When you buy clothes, you try them on before you wear them, don't you?  Why wouldn't you do the same with a boyfriend or girlfriend?" aka...move in first, see how it goes, and then maybe get engaged.

Good questions.

Back to the beginning: why do I rarely seem to respond to "Why did you get married so young?" with a real answer?

As I pondered this, I thought:

Maybe it's because the answer is too long.

Maybe it's because people will think I'm weird.

Maybe it's because it's just too complicated to explain.
Maybe it's because people just won't understand.

Maybe it's because I'm Mormon.

But then I realized, the answer isn't long and it isn't complicated.

And it's not just because I'm Mormon.

The answer is easy, simple, and true.

Why did I get married so young?

Because I fell in love with a good man.  A man who loved me back with his whole heart.  And we both wanted to live this life together.

There was no need to "try on the clothes before buying them."

In fact, there was no try.

We weren't going to try to make our relationship or our marriage work.

We were going to make it work.

There is no try in love.

There is just love. 

I know mine and Taylor's quick courting and fast engagement was a shock to the rest of the world.
People often asked me, "Why are you getting married!?" "Are you sure you know what you're doing!?"
But frankly, time didn't matter.
Not to us.
We knew we loved each other.
We knew we were committed to each other.
And to us, commitment meant something much more than just "trying this out".

Commitment meant giving our whole hearts and our whole energy into a love that we cherished.

No, we did not move in together before we were married.
No, we did not even sleep together before we were married.
No, we did not have a two year engagement.

Yes, we got married young.
Yes, we knew what we were doing.
Yes, it's going to last forever.

Dear world: pure and true love still exists. It's still possible to have a beautiful and honest marriage.
Maybe if the world realized there was no try in love, maybe, just maybe, there would be less broken homes, less broken families, and less broken hearts.

Why did I get married young?
The answer is simple.
The answer is easy.
And the answer is true.

Because I fell in love with a good man.  A man who loved me back with his whole heart.  And we both wanted to live this life together.

A little love code

The other night I made a love-note for my one and only.
But this wasn't just any love-note.
This love-note was in code.

...Just for fun :)

I took a book (one of our antique looking ones that we have on display for decoration) and circled words throughout the book.

I wrote down the page number that corresponded to each word.

Then, I left the book and code-breaker on the bed for Taylor to find and solve.

Each page number has a circled word for him to find. Get it?

It was so fun watching him solve it.

And he absolutely loved it!

I love finding small and creative ways to tell my husband how much I love him.

And this one did just the trick.

Wednesday night love and a splendid Thursday morning

Last night, the sibs and I went to Cory and Kirsten's wedding reception.

(We grew up with Cory in Sacramento)

And my goodness, this reception was beautiful!

And the couple was glowing with love.

Have you ever met a couple and just thought, "Oh my, they are absolutely perfect for each other!"

Well, that was what was on my mind the whole night.

And I'm sure it was on everyone else's too.

They are each other's match. No doubt about it!

I love weddings. I love happiness. I love love.

And here's the happy couple:

My good friends from high school, Anja (sister of the groom) and Danni, came out for the wedding. It was SO fun seeing them. Love these girls!

Here's Dan holding baby Jack. Anja was making a face to show how she feels about babies...but my phone camera didn't capture it too well :/

 The whole night felt like a small Sacramento reunion. 

I loved every second!

And Wednesday night turned into an awesome Thursday morning.

After my morning run, I got to come home to this sweet babe:

M, T & J spent the night last night since they are all moved out of their apartment and off to California in just a few short days.  I loved holding the babes this morning and watching his funny little movements. I am going to miss little J so much!

Then, I treated myself to this:

A double chocolatey chip! My very favorite.

Dear Thursday:

You've started out great. 

And I know you will end great.

Why?

Because you and I will be at H&M tonight.

Enough said.

August 6th

On August 6th, 2011, Taylor Ray got down on one knee and asked me a question I was so excited to say "yes" to.

The cute boy had me completely fooled.  I thought for sure, I would know when he was going to propose.  But he did such a good job at fooling me the entire day!

I'll have to have a blog post dedicated to that story.

See here for more details on our love story :)

Taylor proposed to me at the beautiful Stewart Falls.  We decided after we got engaged, that we would make it a tradition to hike Stewart Falls every year on August 6th.  No matter where we are in life, no matter what state we may be living in, I plan to take a trip to Utah to hike Stewart Falls on August 6th, until my limbs are too weak to make the memory-filled hike.

Here are pictures of Taylor and I celebrating our one year engagement anniversary at the top of Stewart Falls.  There was no one around to take a picture of us, so we struggled taking a good phone picture of the two of us together. But, here are our best attempts:

You know you spend too much time with someone when you make the exact same face, completely on accident, in a picture!

Hi, pretty ring!

Taylor's showing off his muscles...I'm just pointing to the waterfalls. Haha

Thanks, husband.

Don't really know what's happening here, but this one made me laugh.

Look closely... see that water bottle in the brush? Taylor and I joked that this was the same water bottle that I dropped from excitement after he proposed.  Ha...it very well might be! (see video at the end of this post and watch for the water bottle drop!)

As we were huffing while hiking, Taylor jokingly turned to me and said, "Why didn't I propose to you on a wave-runner?"

I could not stop laughing after that.

He told me that after years and years of hiking this, our future boys would ask him (in their best whining voices), "Dad, why did you have to propose to Mom at the top of a mountain?"

And Dad will reply, "So I could teach you how not to propose. I did it for you, boys."

Haha...even though he joked about it, we both loved every second of reliving such a beautiful memory. :)

Here is the video of that special day one year ago :)

Dear husband, Thank you so much for proposing to me. Thank you for giving me the most beautiful ring. Thank you for being my very best friend and eternal companion through this life. Thank you for making me want to be a better person every day. I love you.
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." -Emily Bronte

Proposal Round 2

Late last night, Taylor asked me if I wanted to go on a drive with him.

We used to go on drives through the canyon all of the time when we were dating, so I jumped at his offer as soon as he asked.

After driving for a little while, Taylor pulled over.

We sat on the side of the road and talked for a little while.

Then Taylor reached his hand into his shirt pocket, pulled out a wooden ring, and said,

"Kelli Davis, will you go camping with me?"

Taylor and I have always thought it would be awesome to get wooden rings to wear when we go camping. 

And this sweet boy went out and made it happen. 

(he even remembered my ring size! ;)) 

It was such a cute moment.  I had so many butterflies.
I even got a sweet kiss when I said, "Yes!" :)

My husband is secretly the biggest romantic.  And I love it.

Aren't these awesome?

And here we are, excitedly showing them off.

I love my wooden ring. And I love my sweet husband. :)

A beautiful love.

Last weekend, I had the wonderful privilege of going to my dear friend's wedding.

The sealing was so beautiful.

And so was the couple.

They were absolutely glowing with love.

It brought back memories of my own wonderful day.

And made me realize (once again) how grateful I am for my eternal marriage.

I get to be with my husband (and future children!) FOREVER! The thought makes me giddy.

So grateful for this knowledge.

Here are some pictures from Chelsey and Taylor's beautiful day:

I absolutely LOVE outdoor receptions (hence the fact that I had a backyard reception).  I think they are so naturally beautiful and romantic.  And this one was no exception:

Best wishes to the beautiful newlyweds!

Love you both!

xoxo

And we're off!

Tomorrow, Tay and I leave for Vegas!  We are staying in the New York New York for a night, and then off to Flagstaff, Arizona to see FUN in concert!! We can hardly wait!  We have been waiting for this trip for a very long time! If you live in Utah, you may be wondering, "Why on earth are they going all of the way to Arizona to see Fun in concert when Fun was just in Utah a month ago!?" Folks, let me tell you why.

In January, Taylor and I learned that Fun was coming to Salt Lake City.  We were PUMPED!  We planned for it, talked about it, and even had sleepless excited nights about it.  We could not wait.  
Then, about two weeks before the concert, Taylor asked me, "Did you get the tickets in the mail?"
"No.  When did you purchase them?" I asked.
"Wait...I thought you purchased them...." Taylor said.
"You're kidding, right?"
Taylor turned to me with a look of despair across his face, "Oh, no. Oh, no. Are you telling me you didn't purchase the tickets?"
"I thought YOU were going to purchase the tickets!!"
Taylor ran to his laptop, pulled up the webpage to order tickets, and sure enough....SOLD OUT.
We looked around to find people selling their tickets, but they were selling for five to six times the original amount.
Needless to say, after learning that neither of us had bought the tickets, we sat in silence for a long time.  Don't tell Taylor I told you this...but he may or may not have had a few small tears over this incident.  When I saw his eyes filling with tears, I quickly said, "It's okay, Tay! There are other concerts!  I'm sure there's one in Vegas or something."  Wrong, again.  The closest one was in Flagstaff, Arizona...nine hours away.  But, we didn't even think twice.  We booked the tickets. Right then and there. Months in advance.

And now, here we are.  Another sleepless night...because we are too dang excited! But this time, we're really going!



I will try my hardest to blog while we are there.  But we all know how vacations go: we bring homework, books to study, promise ourselves we'll keep up on our email, maybe a few small things to do for work...and, of course, we never do any of that. Instead, we party and relax. Which is what vacation is for, right?  So, if blogging doesn't happen...look forward to an awesome post on Thursday!  Oh, and Part 2 of The Desired Forgettable, Yet Unforgettable Moments of Marriage is ready to be posted as well.  Look forward to that one! Coming soon.

Adios for now!

Worth it.

I stumbled upon some of my old journals the other day.  Let me tell you, I have been an avid journal writer since a very young age.  This habit mostly spawned from my dear mother, who wrote in her own journal every night without fail.  Anyways, as I was rereading through some journal entries of the past, I was struck with a realization.  

What would my sixteen-year-old self think if I had been given a glimpse of my  life five years in the future (essentially, right now)?  I think some sixteen-year-old doubts, concerns, fears, and worries wouldn't seem quite as important.  Because, guess what, sixteen-year-old self? Life works itself out.  And life works itself out splendidly. 

 Or what if my twenty-one-year old self could have given a few words of advice to my sixteen, seventeen, or eighteen year old self in times of need?  Just a few short words during the times life seemed too hard.

Here's what my twenty-one-year old self would have said:

Dear Sixteen-Year-Old Self:

It's okay if that boy doesn't like you back.  It's not the end of the world.  Because, guess what? There's a much better (and did I mention cuter?) boy who will like you back in the future.  And guess what else?  He will get down on one knee someday and ask you to marry him, and you'll be the happiest girl alive.  So, Sixteen-Year-old Self: don't you dare shed another tear over that boy. Or any other boy for that matter.  Don't you dare tell yourself you're not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, funny enough, or good enough for that boy.  Because you'll be more than all of that to a wonderful boy in just short five years.  Hold on, Sixteen-Year-Old Self.  Save yourself and keep waiting for this future boy.  He's worth it. And so are you.

Dear Seventeen-Year-Old Self:

Don't be so quick to grow up.  Eighteen isn't that much different than seventeen.  Take a deep breath, cherish the moment, and live in the moment.  Be grateful for your parents everyday.  And don't just think it, or write it down...show it.  Show them.  Because, guess what?  In one short year, you're going to miss them. A lot. And you're going to wish that your Mom was just one door away again, instead of two states away. You're also going to wish that you could just walk up to your Dad everyday and give him a hug.  You're going to really miss being Daddy's little girl.  Hold on, Seventeen-Year-Old Self.  Growing up is exciting, but so is life right now.  Don't be so quick to be frustrated when Mom and Dad make decisions for you.  Because you're going to end up really wishing that they could keep making decisions for you.  Don't be slow to tell them you love them.  Think twice before going to bed without giving them a hug.  You won't have this opportunity forever.  And one day, you'll really miss it.  

Dear Eighteen-Year-Old Self:

Smile.  This place will feel like home one day.  It's okay to miss the familiarities of home, but work hard and make this place feel like home.  Because, guess what? I promise it will.  You are about to have so many opportunities and so many experiences here.  Stop letting sad days pass you by.  Chin up, young one. No more tears, no more sad days, no more "hermit" days.  Believe it or not, you're going to make some friends that are just as good as the ones back home.  And guess what else?  Remember what I told Sixteen-Year-Old-Self?  This is where you're going to meet that boy. The one you can't live without.    This is where you're meant to be.  Trust me.  Keep reading your scriptures, keep believing, and don't let any more sad days pass you by.  You're home right where you are.  Hold on, Eighteen-Year-Old Self.

Dear Nineteen-Year-Old Self:

You're really having a tough year, aren't you?  But please, take a look at the bigger picture.  Look at what you've accomplished in such a short time.  I know life seems really hard right now.  But please, stop tearing yourself down.  Because, guess what? You're doing a good job.  I know it might not seem like it now, but I'm really pleased with you, Nineteen-Year-Old Self.  I know you're seriously considering leaving BYU and going home.  Hold on, Nineteen-Year-Old Self.  Remember what I told Eighteen-Year-Old Self?  You're meant to be here.  And I meant it.  Deep down, you love this place.     Don't let a few hard months or a few hard situations let you forget that.  

Dear Twenty-Year-Old Self:

Only a month of being twenty and you feel like you're on cloud nine, don't you?  I told you he was great. I told you he was worth it.  I told you this is where you were meant to be.  I told you you'd be happier than you could have ever imagined.  I told you this place would feel like home.  And guess what else?  Life is only going to get better. So much better.  Don't worry, Twenty-Year-Old Self.  He likes you back.  And guess what else? He loves you. He loves you more than you'll probably ever know.  Don't fret too much.  He wants to be with you, too.  In fact, he's going to ask you to marry him, to be with him for eternity, remember?  I wish I could tell you how he proposes, but I can't ruin the surprise.  Trust me on this one: he will surprise you, you will say yes, and you will be the happiest girl alive.  Hold on, Twenty-Year-Old Self.  He loves you too.

Dear Twenty-One-Year-Old Self:

It was all worth it.

  

The desired forgettable, yet unforgettable moments of marriage

Part 1

We all have these moments, don't we?  You know, the moments that you never want to relive.  The moments that you pray everyone will forget.  The moments that make your cheeks turn red just thinking about it.  The moments you wish you could forget, but you know will never be forgotten.  Well, I figured since there was no hope of these memories ever being forgotten, I might as well record them.  So please, enjoy mine and Taylor's desired forgettable, yet unforgettable moments of marriage.

A couple of weeks before Taylor and I were married, Taylor's parents bought Taylor a brand new (and extremely nice!) suit.  A parting gift of sorts.  It was actually the suit picked out for him to wear for our wedding.  I loved it, and he sure looked handsome in it.  About two weeks after we were married, Taylor and I were getting ready for church, when the incident happened.  

Taylor turned to me and asked, "Have you seen my suit pants?"

"Nope, I don't think so."

"I swear I put them right here." Taylor said as he pointed to the end table at the foot of our bed.

My eyes widened with realization, "Oh no..."

"What?" Taylor asked.

I ran into the laundry room, opened the dryer, and rummaged through the warm clothes inside, silently praying that his suit pants would not be among the other clothes.  Sure enough, they were there.  I pulled them out slowly, and looked up at Taylor who had just walked in.  Taylor gingerly lifted the pants out of my hands and held them up.  His suit pants were now the size of twelve-year-old Taylor (or 21-year-old Kelli).  

My eyes filled with tears as I hurriedly tried to explain what had happened, "I'm so sorry! I grabbed the whole pile of clothes that was sitting on that table and just stuck them all in the washer.  I didn't look!  I know that you can't wash suit pants...I know that!  I just didn't look...I just assumed!  I'm so sorry! I'm such a horrible wife!"  I rambled, without pausing for breath.

With his emotions unreadable, Taylor looked at me for a few seconds, and then slowly, ever so slowly, broke into a smile.  "It's okay, Kells.  They're just pants.  And you're not a horrible wife." Taylor threw the now-ruined pants over his shoulder and bent down to kiss me softly.  "Really, it's okay."  I was shocked when Taylor broke into laughter.  How is he laughing!?

Regardless, I still felt awful inside (and still do to this day!).  As much as I want to forget this embarrassing event, it is absolutely unforgettable.  The story is told at many family events--how the brand new suit was ruined by the brand new wife. ;) As Taylor likes to say, "The bad news, is that I no longer have a sweet suit.  The good news?  I now have a sweet sports jacket."

RIP handsome suit...

Hello, sports jacket!

Or how about this:

A couple of months ago, I decided to try out a new recipe.  I had been looking forward to it for days, and was so excited to try it out.  I slaved in the kitchen, and then placed on the table what I thought looked like perfection. A delicious casserole.  I excitedly told Taylor dinner was ready, and scooped a hearty amount on each of our plates.  After prayer was said, we dug in.  After the first bite, I stopped and looked up at Taylor, as a look of disgust spread across my face.

"I think I put way too much salt into this!  It's so salty!"  The disappointment in my failure must have registered across my face. 

Taylor quickly took another bite and said, "I think it tastes great!"

I was surprised as he continued to take bite after bite.  Maybe I just happened to get a really salty bite?  So I took another bite. Just as salty as the first. "No, Taylor! This is so gross! How are you eating this!?"

Taylor shrugged and said, "It's good." Maybe I just happened to scoop all of the salty parts on my plate?  So I took a bite off of his plate. Just as salty. Yuck!  At this point, I was extremely confused.  I just looked at him and asked, "You really like it?"

Taylor smiled between bites, "Love it." And kept eating. Salty bite after salty bite.  I sat there in amazement and just watched him eat what tasted like pure salt cubes.  Taylor scraped the last bite off of his plate and then set his fork down.  "You did great, Kells.  That was delicious." 

My disappointment faded as I slowly said, "Well...at least you liked it..." I was still shocked that he had eaten his whole plate. But maybe my dinner wasn't a total failure after all! 

About an hour later, I found Taylor sprawled on the couch, with a pained look on his face.  

"You okay?" I asked him.

"Fine." He responded.

"You don't look okay.  Are you sick?"

Taylor opened his eyes as a half-smile spread across his face.  "Too much salt."

At first I was confused, but as realization hit, I started to laugh uncontrollably.  "Why did you keep eating it!?"  I asked him in between laughs.

"I just couldn't bare to see your disappointment.  I didn't want you to think that you failed."  Taylor squeezed his eyes shut and gave a small moan as his hand reached to his stomach.  He opened one eye and squinted up at me. "I don't think I liked that casserole..." And then, regardless of my guilt and Taylor's wounded stomach, neither one of us could control ourselves...we broke into uncontrollable laughter.  Now, every time I cook, Taylor has to monitor the salt amounts.  He will never let me forget this or live it down.

While this picture isn't directly related to the incident, I feel as if it captures
 my emotions during this particular dinner perfectly.

Now, don't be fooled.  Taylor isn't innocent of these particular incidents.  And here's proof:

On the way home from BYU one day, Taylor and I were talking about various things.  As we were walking to our front door, Taylor sighed heavily and said, "I wish I was single again." 

I whipped around, and exclaimed, "What?!"

Taylor's eyes grew wide as his hand slapped against his mouth. "That came out so wrong!  That's not what I meant!"  I could see Taylor's mind frantically backtracking, attempting to eat the words that had just come out of his mouth. "I was just reading about a study abroad through BYU...and I was thinking about how I wished I could do one...but you can't be married.  I don't really wish I was single again...I was just saying that...oh, geez. There's no way to recover from this one..."

Taylor covered his face with his hands, then, like a six-year-old boy, peeked through his fingers and asked quietly, "Forgive me?"

Of course, I forgave him.  But you'd be wrong if you assumed the whole incident was forgotten.  I've never let him live it down ;) My husband actually said, "I wish I was single again."
Definite wrong words to say. ;)
Even though he didn't mean it that way and wishes I'd forget about it altogether, I still like to tease him about it.

There are plenty more of these incidents within the Gilbert home.  That's why this is only Part 1.  Look forward to more.  And together, we'll record the desired forgettable yet unforgettable moments of our marriage.

Thank goodness for crazy love in these type of situations :)

     

Words I've loved

Have you talked to TaylorRayGilbert before?  If so, you've probably noticed his amazing vocabulary.  It's one of the first things I noticed about this boy. I've never had to stop and ask someone to define so many words in one conversation (or, more like, in one sentence).  A typical daily conversation between the two of us has me often asking, "Huh?" or "What?" or "What does that mean?"  Here are some good examples from the past couple of nights:

Kelli: "How do you feel about me making lemon glazed chicken tonight?"

Taylor: "Sounds copasetic."

Kelli: "Huh?"

Or this one from the other night:

Taylor: "...and she was standing with her arms akimbo--"

Kelli: "With her arms what?"

While his vocabulary is often times over my head, he also has the strangest vocabulary ever.  Here are some of his latest from the strange category:

While getting in the car today, the car keys stabbed his hand, and he yelled, "Fetch tard!" As much as I wanted to sympathize over his wounded hand, I couldn't help but burst into laughter. Fetch tard? Really? 

Or how about when he broke a light bulb yesterday, "Oh, shoot dang!" Sorry to break it to you, babe, but you didn't grow up on a farm... Shoot dang is a little hick, if you ask me.

Other words I've loved?  

I frequently wake up to the words, "Good morning, beautiful." There's not a better way to start my day.

Or, my very favorite...

The other night, Taylor caught my eye and mouthed the word, "Forever."  

"Forever?" I asked confused.

He looked at me, smiled, and then said, "Us."

I think it's safe to say that this boy still makes my heart beat a million times a minute.

And also the four words engraved on the inside of my wedding ring:

"Love you dearly, Kells."

And here are three more words I love:

:)

Here's a little something to sum this whole post up:

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." 

-Mother Teresa

The trick is to enjoy life.

One of the many reasons I love Taylor Ray is because he always keeps me laughing.  He knows exactly how to break me into a smile if I'm frustrated, having a bad day, or just in need of some good laughter.

Here's one memory I'll never forget: About a month after we were married, I was preparing a history lesson to teach to a high school class the following day.  I was quickly frustrated with my lack of creative ideas for the lesson.  It was getting late, and the stress of preparing this lesson was becoming overwhelming.  My eyes began to well over with tears as I continued to attempt to conquer this temporary beast.  Against my pleas of refusal, Taylor lifted me off of the couch, grabbed my arms with his hands, and forced me to perform the macarena.  Before I knew it, my tears had turned into tears of laughter.  I could hardly control myself...the scene was so ridiculous!  At the end of a few rounds of macarena and extreme laughing hysterics, I was pumped and ready to tackle the lesson.  Taylor's creative and funny mind allowed my own creative juices to flow to successfully prepare a decent lesson! Thank goodness for this silly boy in time of need :)

Or how about the time he did this?

I turned around to find this face staring at me.  It's safe to say there was milk spewed all over the ground after seeing this face.

Or maybe the times I start to "nag" or "lecture" a bit only to find that I had no idea what I was even annoyed about because Taylor has successfully imitated my sassy attitude--which usually leads to a playful shove escalated into a tickle fight (and there is no debate...Taylor always comes out the winner).  I think I'm starting to catch on to his sneaky ways: "when the wife is peeved, just make her laugh, and you skip out on the lecture altogether!" I'm on to you, Tay Ray...

Or how about last night?  After an intense ultimate frisbee game at mutual, Taylor and I decided to take a quick swim (it felt GREAT, by the way!).  With me on his back, Taylor started to imitate a whale (I have no clue where he gets these ideas).  I could hardly control my laughter! He is such an animated individual--with bizarre ideas to match!  This earned him the nickname Shamu...which quickly evolved to Shamy, for some odd reason.  For the rest of the night, my dear little Shamy had me laughing hysterically.  At one point, I even started to choke on pool water from laughing so hard.  Oh, Shamy. ;)

I am grateful for a husband who makes me laugh, who knows when I need a laugh, and who knows exactly how to make me laugh.  And I am grateful that I will get to laugh with him for eternity.  Click here to learn more about marriages made in heaven.

As Marjorie Hinckley said: “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”   I'm with you, Marjorie.  I prefer to laugh.

And this boy?  He makes me laugh.